Motherhood has been pure perfection for me –Toyin Raji

Toyin Raji deliberately shunned public life
after her reign as the Most Beautiful Girl
in Nigeria 1995 came to an end. This low
profile was necessitated by the birth of
her daughter. She left the country for a
fresh start in the United States and has
been basking in her accomplishment as a
mother ever since.
Toyin thoroughly enjoyed every moment
as a beauty queen, but reality hit her
hard as she suddenly realized that it
wasn’t a tea party either. She was not
equipped to handle the publicity and
press stunts and taunts that came with
the terrain.
She told KATE HALIM that since 1995, her
outlook on life has changed even as she
has equipped herself to deal with
negative comments and gossips without
batting an eyelid.
Excerpts:
What have you been doing since the
expiration of your reign? Little or nothing
has been heard from you in years, was it
deliberate?
It was deliberate. After the birth of my
daughter, I began taking stock and
evaluating my life and my role as a
mother. I thought it best to relocate to
the United States because I wanted a
fresh start. Since the expiration of my
reign, I have basically kept a low profile. I
went back to school, and I am now in the
IT field.
How has motherhood changed you?
Motherhood is certainly the best thing
that has happened to me. My life has
changed drastically, for the better I must
add. It was a challenging role that I gladly
took. It certainly made me more
responsible – not that I was irresponsible,
but it brought out my nurturing side. My
life as I knew it was of less value to me
once she was born. Everyday decisions
were no longer routine, as I had to take
my daughter into consideration. It is
amazing how we would give up anything
to save our offspring and as we hope to
accomplish our dreams, we could give
them up to watch our offspring
accomplish theirs.
I also came to the realization that
parenting is the most difficult, yet
rewarding job in the world. There are no
schools, no set rules, no nothing, you
simply learn as you go along and pray that
you do the best you possibly can.
If you have a chance at changing anything
about yourself, what would it be?
Nothing! I absolutely love who I am as an
individual, warts, and all. I am not
perfect, far from it, but I am perfect in
my imperfection. I would not change a
thing.
In the usual fashion of Beauty Queens,
why didn’t you set up a foundation to
tackle issues relating to humanity?
‘In the usual fashion of Beauty Queens’, I
am glad you put it that way, because it is
exactly the reason I chose not go that
route as there are humbler ways of giving
back. I believe that society’s expectations
compel Beauty Queens to set up
foundations, not because they truly want
to, but because they feel the need to
fulfil the beauty inside-out motto. I
certainly have given back the best way I
know how, and still do. I must say though
that we all dream of making a difference,
but it isn’t easy setting the world on our
shoulders. I wake up each day and do my
bit and hopefully that counts.
At the time you were crowned, what was
the first thing that came to your mind?
Absolutely nothing. I just basked in the
moment.
What has changed about you since then?
I think my outlook towards life. I try as
best as I can, even though it can be
terribly difficult, to see the positive in
everything. Try it; you will be amazed at
how good it is for the soul. I find that I
have become better equipped to deal
with the negatives such as unhealthy
comments, gossips, etc without batting an
eyelid. I think we all need a mind make-
over.
How did you handle the publicity and
fame that came with your crown?
It was great in the beginning. I felt I had
arrived; the world was my oyster. After a
while though, the novelty of it all began
to wear off. I could no longer handle it; I
simply left.
What was your MBGN experience like in
1995?
It was an absolute roller coaster. I
thoroughly enjoyed every moment, but
soon came to the realization that I was
ill-equipped to handle the press, mostly
the soft sell magazines. They can spin
amazing tales.
Why do you think you were named Miss
Congeniality at Miss Universe pageant?
I guess because I am congenial. Why else
do you think? I consider myself a very
friendly and extroverted person
depending on the circumstance or
situation.
What do you consider your selling points?
My selling points would be my larger-
than-life personality and communication
skills. I feel as if I just gave you an
answer that I would give at a job
interview.
What do you think has changed in
pageantry in Nigeria?
I honestly haven’t been keeping up with
pageants in Nigeria, so I cannot really
speak about them.
How has life been as a former Beauty
Queen?
It has been incredibly peaceful.
Motherhood has been pure perfection for
me.
What are the qualities you possess that
make you unique?
What a question! What makes one
unique? Shall I say genetically I am an
individual in the universe? I would rather
say, definitely my individuality. I dare to
be different. I hate to conform.
What was growing up like?
I grew up in Lagos. Growing up was
pretty much normal. My father passed on
when I was 11years old and my mother
and stepfather raised me. I was
somewhat sheltered for the most part. I
can say that all in all, I have only fond
memories of my childhood.
You are one of the ex-beauty queens
almost without scandals, how have you
achieved this?
Are there any without scandals, or am I
just out of touch? Should it be difficult to
be scandal-free? I have had my share of
silly write-ups. I don’t know how I did it.
It certainly wasn’t out of trying or lack
thereof.
Do you miss being a beauty queen?
No. It was a wonderful run. I did it and
it’s done. Would I do it all over again?
Certainly!
What things and issues interest you?
Post-menopausal depression. This is quite
close to home as my mother suffered an
extreme case of it. It can be debilitating.
When it happened with my mother, we
were clueless as to how to deal with it. It
certainly is a cause that I would lend my
voice to.
How would you describe your fashion
sense?
Classic, simplistic, casual, bold, bohemian
chic – I do them all. I thrive on variety.
My fashion sense is quite diverse. My
middle name should be Chameleon.
How do you keep fit?
I have always enjoyed fitness. I do
everything from power cardio to lifting
lightweights. A woman’s body is delicate.
It therefore should be well taken care of
and celebrated.
How do you relax?
I calm my nerves by having a great facial;
Reflexology, or good old power nap does
it for me.
Describe yourself in three words
Extrovert, optimistically cynical, and a
realist.